Mr. M Funk Dragon dances over to his crystal ball, consorts it for a few seconds and says: "It's the month of August
Leo (july 23-aug 22) I see a birthday in the near future. Muwaahaha, and you thought I couldn't see the future.... Anyways make sure to make a birthday wish list and oh, could you save me some cake?
Virgo (aug 23-sept 22) CAN YOU PLEASE STOP BEING A CONTROL FREAK???? thankyou
Libra (sept 23-oct 22) You are a strange person. But you have a surprise coming very soon. ps, stay away from pillow cases.
Scorpio (oct 23-nov 21) Who the hell cares about you? Rarrr get me a beer and maybe then I'll tell you something.
Sagittarius (nov 22-dec 21) Aside from getting a hold on your temper (might i suggest angry management classes?) you need to start planning for the future. And your boyfriend is going to dump you next week.
Capricorn (dec 22-jan 19) Stop letting people push you around. Stand up for yourself for once. Your lucky lotto numbers are 8,67,0,41,2 and Ne Hau means hello in Chinese
Aquarius (jan 20-feb 18) I see a very lonely and strange rest of summer for you.
Pisces (feb 19-mar 20) You are the fish of the cosmic sea. Stop crying and whining and go swimming already!
Aries (mar 21-apr 19) Oh my god, like you're gonna meet your soul mate in the mall next week. Like oh my god. Ok?
Taurus (apr 20-may 20) You are a surpreme being, you wisdom makes you smarter than anything other sign. At least that's what you think. My advice is to stop being so arrogant before it catches up with you.
Gemini (may 21-june 21) You have spilt personality problems. You act like one person one day and a completely different person the next. Stop being so fickle and try being one person for half a month and the other person for the other half. If that doesn't work, you could always shoot yourself in the head like the guy in Fight Club.
Cancer (june 22-july 22) You are a whiney spoiled brat. Some should send you to boot camp. Remeber: there are better ways of making $ than selling yourself.
Don't kill me for being brutally honest. Thanks"
Then Mr. M Funk dances away to the tune of 'staying alive'
